Valentine's Day is a Hallmark holiday that evokes a mix of emotions; depending on where we are in life. For some, it highlights the absence of a partner; for others, it's a reminder to invest in their relationship, perhaps with flowers or a meaningful gesture.
In this article, we explore romantic love—eros—as a deep and committed bond between two individuals. At its surface, eros is often associated with passion, desire, and euphoria. It is the intoxicating spark that draws lovers together, a force that makes us revel in the beauty of another.
The Greek philosopher Plato described eros as the pursuit of an ideal beauty—one that transcends the physical and reminds us of the profound beauty that exists in the world. This concept of love can seem purely positive, highlighting only the joy of deep connection. The intertwining of two lives can be one of the most beautiful aspects of human existence, but it can also be one of the most painful. Few experiences cut as deeply as heartbreak.
Love as Practice
Romantic love is not just a feeling; it is a practice. Many enter relationships with the hope that love will bring them lifelong happiness. However, a common misconception is that relationships are about what we can receive rather than what we must give. Love is not about what you can get—it's about asking, "How can I enrich my partner's life?"
Love as Work
Love is also a responsibility. It requires effort, patience, and the willingness to nurture another person’s growth. Many of us hesitate at the idea of taking on another "job," especially one as demanding as a relationship. But if we expect only to receive, we are likely to be disappointed. True love isn’t about servitude; it’s about mutual care and effort. Relationships thrive when both partners are invested in each other’s well-being.
The Garden of Love
Love is like tending a garden. It requires consistent care—tilling the soil, providing nutrients, allowing space to grow. If you smother a plant, it withers. If you neglect it, it weakens and dies. A romantic relationship needs the same attention: nurture it, support it, and let it flourish in its unique way. No two relationships look alike, as beauty is perceived differently by each of us. What matters is that the love between two people is authentic and evolving.
The Art of Becoming One
A fulfilling romantic relationship allows both individuals to express themselves freely. From this shared existence, something greater emerges—a partnership that transcends the sum of its parts.
The best marriage advice I received came from a college theology professor. He refused to conduct premarital counseling because he recognized the uniqueness of each relationship. Rather than offering advice, he imparted wisdom: marriage is the hardest yet most rewarding commitment one can make. It is the daily choice to love another human being, despite inevitable changes and challenges.
The Depth of Commitment
Traditional marriage vows carry a depth we often overlook. From this day forward signifies a lifelong commitment. For better or worse acknowledges the trials and mistakes inherent in every relationship. For richer and for poorer reminds us that financial insecurity is a reality for most couples. In sickness and in health challenges us to love even when our partner's ability to give diminishes.
Life shapes us. Friends, experiences, careers, children, infertility, politics, loss, and joy mold us into different versions of ourselves. A relationship left untended will not remain the same; neglect can leave us unrecognizable to each other. Love requires care, respect, and the willingness to grow together.
The Hardest and Most Rewarding Journey
Loving another person is difficult. None of us are perfect partners or spouses. However, we can commit to the practice of becoming better. It takes work—perhaps the hardest work we will ever do—but it is also among the most fulfilling.
You can ask my wife—loving me isn’t always easy. Neither of us is the same person we were on our wedding day. Yet, witnessing each other grow into wiser, more authentic versions of ourselves is a privilege. Choosing to serve and support another human being has been one of the greatest joys of my life. More storms will come, but I am endlessly grateful to have someone by my side.
I pray you find someone to walk alongside.
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