Parenthood II: Leader in Title Only

I think a lot about the concept of a RINO — Republican In Name Only. It describes someone who claims a label but doesn’t live by the principles behind it.

The same thing exists everywhere in life.

I call it LITO: Leader In Title Only.

There are few things more frustrating than a LITO — someone who carries authority without carrying responsibility.

A title is not an identity. A title is a job.

If you carry one, you have to earn it every day.

Parent Is a Profession

The title mother or father is not just biological. It is moral. It is vocational. It is sacred.

Many people desperately want children and cannot have them. Having a child is a gift — not a guarantee, not an entitlement.

Whether you are a parent, a CEO, a military officer, a coach, a priest, or a business owner, the rule is the same:

If you carry the title, you must live up to it.

Being a parent should be viewed as a profession — a daily commitment to the growth, safety, and future of another human being.

If you want to be a good parent, act like one.

Children do not need perfect adults. They need real ones.

They need people who model what adulthood looks like.

What Adults Do

In its simplest form, leadership means acting like an adult.

Adults:

• Take responsibility

• Carry their own weight

• Show up when it’s hard

• Tell the truth

• Pay their bills

• Regulate their emotions

• Put other people first

• Find a way

Adults don’t lie, cheat, or steal. Adults don’t demand rewards for basic responsibilities. Adults don’t collapse when things get uncomfortable.

Children cannot raise children.

And yet, an uncomfortable truth is that a large percentage of people remain stuck in a childlike archetype well into adulthood. You’ve met them — people who have the age but not the capacity.

There Is a Difference Between Having Children and Being a Parent

Anyone can biologically create a child.

Not everyone becomes a parent.

A sperm donor creates life. A parent builds one.

Professionals make mistakes — but they own them, learn from them, and change course. That is true in medicine, business, and parenting.

If you want the title, earn it, continually. If you wear a crown at work, take it off in the garage before you step in the door.

Recognize that you were given a gift — one many people would do anything to receive.

There are many people in this world who are parents without children.

Capacity Matters

Raising children requires enormous capacity — emotional, financial, relational, and psychological. It always has. Raising children is hard. This fact cannot be minimized.

Historically, families raised children in communities. Now most people live far from extended family, working long hours, often without meaningful support. That makes parenting harder than ever.

But hardship doesn’t erase responsibility.

When capacity is low, the work is harder. When support is weak, the load is heavier. When mistakes are made earlier, the hill is steeper.

But the responsibility remains.

You may be tired. You may be overwhelmed. You may be afraid.

And you still have to show up. When you don’t want to show up is probably when it’s most important to do so. 

The Reward Is Worth the Cost

Putting another human’s needs above your own is brutal — and beautiful.

There is nothing more humbling than watching a helpless infant grow into an independent human being. There is nothing more joyful than your child’s laughter. There is nothing more painful than their tears.

That tension is the price of meaning.

The things that matter most cost the most.

And they are always worth it.

Be the Parent, Not Just the Title

Don’t be a LITO.

Be the parent. Do the work. Model adulthood. Love fiercely. Apologize when you fail. Try again tomorrow.

I’ve failed plenty already — and I’m only four years into this lifelong course.

That’s not disqualifying.

That’s what real leadership/parenting looks like.

3-Bullet Summary

• Titles without behavior are empty. Being a parent, leader, or professional only matters if your daily actions match the responsibility the title implies.

• Parenthood is a profession, not a status. Raising a child requires adult capacity, consistency, and self-sacrifice—not just biology.

• Meaning comes from responsibility. The hardship of showing up for others is the price we pay for the deepest joy and purpose.

3 Practical Takeaways

1. Audit your titles. Write down the roles you carry (parent, spouse, leader, business owner) and ask, “Did my behavior today actually match this title?” Adjust tomorrow accordingly.

2. Model adulthood for your kids. Let them see you regulate emotions, keep commitments, apologize when wrong, and solve problems instead of avoiding them.

3. Build capacity on purpose. Protect your sleep, finances, health, and support systems—because your children’s stability depends on how much you can carry when life gets hard.