Parenting Pt I: Role Models & Rituals

Role Models, Rituals, and the Humbling Education of Parenthood

Having children has been fascinating, humbling, and at times brutally exhausting. There’s truth to the cliché: the days are long, but the years are fast. But beyond the fatigue and unpredictability, the greatest gift of parenting has been the education I’ve received from my kids.

Children are expressive, opinionated, curious, selfish, imaginative, joyful, and wildly observant. They are not subtle. They want to know why—all the time. Being around that kind of interrogative spirit reminds me that adults are just larger children with slightly more vocabulary and slightly less curiosity. When adults get hungry or tired, we may not flop onto the floor screaming—but we get cranky, impatient, and complain about things that don’t actually matter. Most of us would genuinely be better off with a full belly and a nap.

One of my core memories is the day my little son pointed to the sky and said “airplane,” long before I heard or saw anything. He was more connected to the moment than I was. Children experience the world without filters—they notice what is, not what they expect to see. That perspective is often lost in adulthood. We give advice from our own context, forgetting that our experiences are not universal. Technically correct advice delivered at the wrong time, to the wrong person, or in the wrong emotional state, can be completely ineffective—or even harmful.

Communication, Perception, and the Weight of Simple Truths

I’ve spent a lot of time thinking about what reasonable expectations for communication look like for children. What can they actually understand, retain, and synthesize? If I struggle to articulate a point clearly to a well-educated adult, how can I expect a child to grasp nuanced explanations? It forces me to ask: How can I communicate simply, honestly, and clearly?

Over time, my understanding of simple statements has deepened. A statement like “be kind” is easy for a child to memorize—but extremely difficult for an adult to fully live out. As my experiences and perspective have broadened, simple truths now feel deeper, truer, and heavier.

I wish there was one correct formula for being a good parent—or even a good child. There isn’t.

But the best framework I’ve ever heard is this: 

Good parenting is based on two things: role models and rituals.

Role modeling means act like the person you want your children to become.

Rituals are routines with meaning.

Children are master observers. When language is used, but behavior doesn’t match it, they don’t just notice the discrepancy—they internalize it. Maybe that’s where we first learn to lie: not from being told falsehoods, but from observing inconsistencies.

Children as Scientists, Parents as Mirrors

Children are independent human beings, not extensions of us. They do what they’re wired to do: test, explore, observe, repeat. They are natural scientists. When my youngest hits a chair with a stick, it makes a noise. When he hits me with the same stick, I sometimes wonder if his goal is to test what sound I make. Is it malicious, experimental, or musical? Impossible to know. But it still hurts.

And I don’t always respond with the wisdom of a monk.

The truth is, I can't directly control my children. I can't control their curiosity, their stubbornness, their hunger for autonomy, or their emotional storms. What I can control—barely—is my own behavior. My reactions. My tone. My example. My rituals.

Genetics account for maybe 10–30% of health outcomes. But environment and modeling make up the rest. If you don’t value physical fitness, your kids probably won’t. If you don’t value reading, learning, conversation, or kindness, your kids probably won’t. If you model shame, aggression, or contempt—your children probably will too.

But if you model curiosity, compassion, humility, and love—they just might learn that too.

We Don’t Rise to the Level of Our Opinions—We Fall to the Level of Our Habits

The most common parenting mistake I see—both in myself and others—is projecting our own insecurities onto our children. That’s why I believe the better path is focusing on personal development and simply loving our family members for the unique version of crazy they are.

Because let’s be honest: parents are crazy, children are crazy, siblings are crazy—and spouses are really crazy. And we probably helped make them that way. We’re all crazy too. Charlie Munger’s advice was beautifully simple: Try not to be stupid. That has become one of my personal goals in parenting—to be slightly less stupid each year.

We learn through mistakes, reflection, humility, time, and love. And that’s true for both parent and child.

Rituals: The Antidote to Chaos

Life is chaotic. Rituals don’t remove chaos—but they create islands of certainty, purpose, and connection. They aren’t just routines. They are repeated actions with meaning, anchors that orient us toward what matters.

• Dinner together without screens

• Bedtime prayers or gratitude lists

• Walking together after dinner

• Sunday pancakes

• Reading before bed

• Saying “I love you” without rushing

Rituals give children (and adults) a sense of safety, identity, and belonging. They don’t guarantee perfect behavior. But they create a rhythm of meaning in ordinary days.

Final Reflection

In the end, parenting is less about mastering techniques and more about growing in love, humility, and awareness. We don’t get to control who our children become—but we do get to influence them.

And that influence comes through two things: Role modeling and rituals.

The rest is learning, laughing, apologizing, and trying not to be too stupid along the way.