Stress Management: Chapters

When Goals Stop Working: Recognizing a New Chapter of Life

For the past 10 to 15 years, once or twice a year, I’ve sat down and mapped out goals for the coming calendar year. For most of that time, I was remarkably consistent at hitting the majority of them.

2025 was different.

It was the year I missed more goals than I completed — and I’ve spent a lot of time reflecting on why.

The answer, I think, is simple but uncomfortable: I transitioned into a new chapter of life without realizing it.

Priorities Are Revealed by Time

Our priorities aren’t defined by what we say matters — they’re defined by where our time actually goes. And over the last few years, that allocation has shifted.

There are areas of life I’m unwilling to compromise on, namely my wife and my kids. Add in the non-negotiable demands of work, and something had to give.

For me, that “something” has been personal development - fitness and learning. 

Part of this shift came from repeatedly encountering the idea that the most impactful years in a child’s life are from birth to age three. I only get one opportunity to shape the early development of both of our children. That reality forced a tradeoff.

In the short term, that tradeoff is frustrating. Historically, I’ve made steady progress toward academic and professional goals. In this season, those pursuits have moved to the back burner — not abandoned, just reduced to a minimum dose.

When I ask myself why progress feels slower, the answer isn’t a lack of energy or motivation. It’s a reordering of priorities. Fortunately, there are still years — even decades — ahead when these goals can move forward again.

Lessons From Training and Injury

I’ve lived through this pattern before.

Several years ago, when work demands escalated during medical training and early career, I tried to maintain the same training intensity I’d had before. The result wasn’t progress — it was injury.

The body doesn’t ignore context. Neither does life.

There Are Seasons for Everything

There’s a time to compete at a high level in athletics — usually when you’re young. There’s a time to push your career relentlessly — also when you’re young. There’s a time to have children — again, usually when you’re young.

We chose to have kids in our mid-30s, and while there are many advantages to that decision, energy isn’t one of them. Youth comes with faster recovery and a larger margin for error. While you may struggle financially earlier in life, you possess something far more valuable: time.

Life seems to unfold best in chapters:

• A childhood of exploration with minimal responsibility

• An adolescence shaped by growth, chaos, and identity

• A young adulthood full of late nights and mistakes

• A season of building family — even if that “family” starts as a pet

• A gradual accumulation of responsibility

• And, ideally, a final chapter marked by perspective, reflection, and peace

You Are Two People

You are your present self and your future self.

One of the most consistent themes discussed on The Knowledge Project podcast is the importance of long-term thinking — caring for your future self. That comes naturally to me, perhaps too naturally.

The opposite extreme is living entirely in the moment, neglecting the future altogether. But the danger on my end of the spectrum is different: over-investing in the future at the expense of the present.

Like most things, this exists on a continuum. It’s worth checking in periodically to ask:

• Am I neglecting today?

• Or am I sabotaging tomorrow?

  
  

If you ignore your future self, you may never turn the page into the next chapter of life. If you focus only on the future, you risk becoming bitter and joyless.

My current bias is that roughly 10-20% of the day should belong to the present, with the remainder intentionally supporting the future. That ratio will likely change again — as chapters always do.

3-Bullet Summary

• Missed goals often reflect a life transition, not a personal failure — priorities shift before we consciously acknowledge them.

• Time allocation, not intention, reveals true priorities, especially during seasons of family and career intensity.

• A balanced life requires honoring both the present self and the future self, with the ratio changing across life chapters.

3 Practical Takeaways

1. Re-label “failure” as “seasonality.” 

   If goals aren’t being met, ask whether your life chapter has changed rather than assuming a lack of discipline.

2. Audit your time, not your motivation. 

   Where you spend your hours tells the truth about priorities — use it to reset expectations realistically.

3. Schedule small, protected moments for the present self.

   Even 10-20% of your day intentionally devoted to enjoyment, connection, or rest can prevent long-term burnout and resentment.