Stress Management: Diversification

Historically, I’ve promoted the idea of defining a minimum effective dose of self-care—small, consistent actions that keep you grounded. After returning from deployment, I learned that to withstand significant daily stress, I needed to do just three things every day:

1. Move my body.

2. Learn something new.

3. Let my family know I love them.

When I did these consistently, I became more resilient. Dan John teaches a similar concept he calls a pirate map: a short list of 3–5 non-negotiable daily actions. If those get done, it’s nearly impossible to have a truly bad day. Inevitably, these tasks are best completed early in the morning—before daily distractions and decision fatigue set in. Waiting until after work when your energy is depleted dramatically lowers compliance.

Diversification: Building Emotional Stability

Too many people anchor their identity to one thing —a job, a relationship, or competitive success. If that single area struggles, their entire sense of self collapses. I saw this often with college athletes whose emotional well-being rose and fell entirely on performance.

In finance, diversification protects you when one investment drops. The same is true personally. I diversify my identity across multiple meaningful roles: husband, father, physician/scholar, human engineer, entrepreneur, grappler, lifter, friend, man of faith, dog owner, military officer, and student of personal finance. Issues arise in several of these categories at times, but almost never in all at once. Because of that, my stress-tolerance portfolio is robust.

Even my dog—consistently happy to see me—reminds me that joy can coexist with occasional messes on the carpet.

Optimizing Relationships: Curate Your Social Net Worth

Dan John classifies people from A–F:

• “A” people energize you every time you interact.

• "C" people are a mix of the two

• “F” people drain you; you leave feeling worse than before.

If your home environment is full of F-type interactions, deliberately seek out A-type people—even if it’s not face-to-face. Books, podcasts, and online courses are powerful because they let you temporarily believe someone has it fully figured out. That illusion can spark hope, and hope is often what people lack most.

I describe “A” people as black belts at life. They may still struggle like anyone else, but they lead with maturity, generosity, and perspective. And just like walking into a jiu-jitsu gym full of black belts accelerates your progress, surrounding yourself—physically or virtually—with life-black-belts elevates your growth. They are people who pour into you and fill you with life.

I have a high tolerance for spending time with struggling or toxic individuals because I’m rich in positive relationships. Most people aren’t. If all you do is pour into others without first anchoring yourself to strength, toxicity spreads into you. Help from a position of surplus, not sacrifice.

It's been stated, "You become the average of the five people you interact with most." Choose wisely and intentionally invest in interactions that build you up so you can reach back and help others from a position of strength rather than depletion.

Labels

As you go through life you start to accumulate labels. People will say you're certain things. Doctors will say you have certain diagnosis. Your family and friends will say that you have certain characteristics. Some of these labels have a positive connotation and other ones have a negative connotation. If you start to believe that all you are is a bunch of negative labels and problems, then you will start to have a negative perception of yourself. By accumulating labels that have a positive connotation, you will be able to handle some that you view to be more negative.

In James Clears book Atomic Habits, he describes the mental trick of labeling yourself as a runner. Doing so increases the amount that you run. Most people have a connotation positively associated with exercise, so by providing this label you will start to view yourself in a more positive light. There's a term in political science called identity politics. Many people strictly identify themselves based political party, race, religion, or occupation. While all of these things might be a part of you, they are not all of you. If there’s societal stigma around one of these groups, you'll start to feel bad whether that aspect of you is in your control or not. If you feel like you have negative labels, seek out ones that you feel like have a positive connotation. This is cognitive reframing. If you're an anxious person, just relabel it as an excited or passionate person. They're the exact same thing, however you view one as problematic in the other as a positive attribute.

Now that you define yourself by a multitude of positive labels, when a negative label has brought down you're less likely to be impacted at the same level of severity. The overall goal is to seek out more positive e attributes than negative. This is an insurance policy for your mental health over time.

Who are you?

The reality is that you will never be entirely defined by one label. The only label that can define you is your name. When people ask who you are and what you do, Just say your name and state I do what I do. The labels do not define you, they are just a part of you.

3 Bullet Point Summary

• Minimum effective dose matters. A simple personal “pirate map” performed daily creates resilience against stress and keeps life from derailing.

• Identity diversification protects emotional stability. Spread purpose across multiple meaningful roles so one failure doesn’t define you.

• Social influence shapes growth. Prioritize time with “A” people or “black belts at life” to build strength and capacity before serving those who drain.

3 Practical Recommendations

1. Create your daily pirate map (3–5 actions you do before interacting with others). Example: move your body, learn something new, express love.

2. Audit and diversify your identity roles. Write down all the hats you wear; if there are only one or two, intentionally expand into new domains that hold meaning.

3. Grade your relationships (A–F). Increase time spent with A-type people (even via books/podcasts), reduce exposure to F-types, and serve from strength, not depletion.