Spiritual Health Pt II: Purpose & Meaning

Purpose and Meaning: The Lifelong Experiment

A Privileged Question

Purpose and meaning are theoretical topics most people only ponder when they have the time—or privilege—to think. Many spend their days running from one task to another without ever pausing to consider either question. Yet to even ask what your purpose is—or what gives your life meaning—is a privilege in itself.

Defining the Two

• Purpose is your mission—the reason something exists or is done.

• Meaning is the significance or value we assign to our experiences, relationships, and existence itself.

Both can be viewed individually or collectively. In the United States, our culture’s emphasis on individualism often shifts the question to “What is my purpose?” rather than “What is our purpose?” Institutions—businesses, churches, communities—tend to ask these questions collectively, though whether they live them out is another story.

It’s also reasonable—and common—for people to answer both with “I don’t know.”

Purpose Then and Now

In a past conversation, coach Dan John shared that seeking answers to these questions was once far less common early in life. When resources were scarce, purpose was built into the social structure: men worked to provide; women raised children. Meaning was societally derived—you did what your parents, friends, and neighbors did. Because everyone followed the same pattern, few questioned it.

Today, with more abundance and freedom, those inherited scripts are gone. We’re left to create our own meaning—and that’s liberating, troublesome, and can be overwhelming.

The Two Halves of Life

The first half of life is about accumulating—knowledge, possessions, and beliefs (including many false ones).The second half is about unlearning—letting go of illusions, refining values, and discovering who you truly are.

Children act freely because they haven’t yet been shaped by social expectations. As adults, the goal becomes rediscovering that freedom—not by doing whatever we want, but by becoming who we’re supposed to be.

The Pressure to “Figure It Out”

Modern culture pressures people to have life figured out by their 20s or 30s. That’s unrealistic. You simply don’t yet have the cumulative wisdom or perspective.

I often ask patients: “On a scale from one to ten, how happy are you?” I’ve never had someone under 65 say “ten.” It takes most people a lifetime to understand their purpose and find peace with it. Lowering the expectation that you’ll have it all figured out early can bring deep relief—it reminds you there’s still time.

Late Bloomers and Long Games

Two of the most inspiring biographies I’ve read are of Ulysses S. Grant and William Tecumseh Sherman. Both men endured decades of failure—poverty, alcoholism, business disasters—before the Civil War revealed their greatness. Their stories remind us that mastery and meaning often emerge only after years of struggle and refinement.

We tend to see people’s success without appreciating the decades of invisible work that led there.

The 1% Rule and the Experiment of Living

James Clear’s “1% better each day” philosophy is far closer to reality than the myth of sudden clarity or calling. Life is an experiment. You try, fail, learn, and repeat. Very few people know their purpose early; most people change course multiple times—or never change at all because fear keeps them stuck.

The Hierarchy of Meaning

Meaning is subjective, shaped by one’s value system. Psychiatrist Viktor Frankl wrote that if a person has a why, they can bear almost any how.

Your “why” might be to:

• Help others find freedom

• Spend more time with loved ones

• Achieve security

• Prove your worth.

At the highest level of meaning, people seek to maximize good for others. At the lowest, they focus only on themselves. Neither is inherently wrong—some need to love themselves more, while others need to extend love outward. Destruction for its own sake is rare; most harm comes from misplaced good intentions.

Refinement Over Revelation

Purpose and meaning aren’t discovered in a single moment of prayer, meditation, or therapy. They’re refined over time.

In youth, life feels like a giant block of marble—limitless potential. As we live, we chisel away big chunks—closing doors, choosing paths. Later, we enter a refinement stage, sanding edges and polishing details. You can start over at any time, but it’s always a process of shaping something from the raw material of your experiences.

Mastery of Life

Ultimately, what we’re seeking is mastery—not perfection, but progress.

A patient once told me, “I just want to be accomplished at life.” She wasn’t chasing accolades but exploring areas where she had once failed, curious whether a new approach might lead to better outcomes. Maybe she wanted to prove she could still grow—or simply to live as a more authentic version of herself.

That, in many ways, is the heart of meaning and purpose: to live as a continual experiment, always refining, always becoming.

Three Practical Takeaways

1. Stop rushing the answer. You don’t need to have your purpose defined early; it evolves as you do.

2. Embrace experimentation. Small daily progress compounds into clarity and fulfillment.

3. Refine, don’t define. Treat your life like sculpture—cut, polish, and re-shape until what remains feels true.