Mental Health Pt III: Trauma

Understanding Trauma: Scars, Coping, and the Path Forward

Trauma is the residual emotional consequence of a distressing event. In response, we often develop coping mechanisms that help us survive in the short term—but can become maladaptive over time. For instance, we might learn to hide how we’re really feeling to avoid conflict. While this may reduce immediate discomfort, it can gradually erode our ability to build honest, trusting relationships. Deception may feel protective, but it ultimately undermines connection.

Trauma varies widely in form and impact. As a result, it's increasingly common to hear people refer to “past trauma” in everyday conversation. Often, the most damaging traumas aren’t the loud, catastrophic events, but the quiet, persistent ones that echo for years or even decades. A seemingly minor incident can leave a lasting emotional footprint when it’s revisited repeatedly over time.

A common theme in trauma is a loss of control—an experience of having one’s autonomy stripped away. This loss can affect the mind, body, or spirit, and the distress often lingers long after the event has ended. Perhaps the most practical definition of trauma is any experience that leaves behind a sense of lasting distress or disempowerment.

Social comparison can complicate the healing process. Some people amplify their traumatic experiences—intentionally or unconsciously—as part of their identity or narrative. Others minimize or rationalize theirs, believing that suffering was a necessary part of their growth. Both responses are deeply human. Often, what’s needed most is perspective—stepping outside of oneself to gain clarity. It’s not uncommon to get stuck in cycles of rumination, emotionally replaying events that can’t be changed.

If the goal is to return to one’s path or purpose in life, sometimes help is needed to get unstuck. Trauma can derail you. It can harden you. It can make you cynical. And the truth is, there may not be a single “right” way to heal. The process is individual and uncertain.

I once told a patient that trauma leaves scars. They were offended by the analogy, associating scars with disfigurement. But I meant it differently—scars are signs of healing. I don’t expect to get through life without bumps, bruises, or wounds that leave a mark. Trauma changes you. And if you don’t like the person you’re becoming, that’s a signal—it’s time to shift course.

For me, the best medicine has been my dog and my kids. Their innocence, playfulness, and daily laughter helped me reconnect with what it means to feel joy. Kids and dogs pull you back into the present. They remind you what hope looks like. Gardening and time in nature can do the same—grounding us, giving us peace, and creating space to breathe.

There are tools that can support the healing process. Pharmacologic aids like ketamine and marijuana are being used more frequently, and therapies such as EMDR (Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing) can help people reprocess painful memories. Still, these tools are only part of the picture. Real healing often comes through perspective—learning to view your story through a new lens. Sometimes, it’s simply about being heard. Sometimes, it’s about forgiving yourself for decisions made without the clarity of hindsight.

The answer isn’t at the bottom of a beer bottle, nor in the same behaviors that once led to pain. What people often need most is to feel seen—to know they’re not alone. There’s real strength in connection. Healing isn’t linear, but it is possible when we’re honest, open to new perspectives, and willing to hold space for one another.

Perhaps the most important ingredient in healing is time. Time reminds us that tomorrow is coming. That new opportunities will arise. If we survived a traumatic event, then we have more time—time to grow, to change, and to contribute. Even if it feels like we can’t do it for ourselves, we can still help make the world a better place for others. Sometimes they have more time than we do. Sometimes they have less. But we all have time to offer something meaningful.

Whatever path you choose to heal from past traumatic events is valid. If you feel like you're not making progress, it's completely reasonable to seek support. Maybe you just need to talk to a trusted friend. Maybe professional help or medication is appropriate. Or maybe you need time and space to grieve a past experience on your own. Whatever the case, healing is not a one-size-fits-all process—and you don’t have to go through it alone.

One final note: the spiritual aspect of trauma was intentionally left out of this discussion. While spirituality or faith can be central to healing for many, it can also be a source of deep pain for others. Dogmatic thinking, even in the name of faith, has caused trauma in countless lives. Acknowledging this doesn’t diminish the value that spirituality holds for many people—but it does call for sensitivity and respect for different paths to healing.

Practical implementation: 

Seek Support When Stuck: If you're not making progress in healing, it's completely valid to seek help—whether that’s talking to a trusted friend, working with a mental health professional, or exploring therapeutic tools like EMDR.

Reconnect with the Present: Simple, grounding activities—like spending time with children, pets, or in nature—can offer daily moments of joy and help shift focus away from rumination.

Accept That Healing Takes Time: Recovery is not linear. Give yourself grace for past decisions made without hindsight, and recognize that time itself can be a powerful part of the healing process.