Practical Approach to Make Friends
Find an activity that you want to do
Google search the activity
Sign up for the activity
Show up to the activity
Talk about the activity
Repeat
U.S. Surgeon General Vivek Murthy, MD, MBA, has highlighted the growing crisis of loneliness in America. According to the American Psychiatric Association, nearly one in three adults in the U.S. experiences loneliness on a weekly basis. While the immediate solution may seem straightforward—finding a friend or two—nurturing those friendships requires intentional effort and practice.
The Challenge of Friendship
Many adults struggle to forge meaningful connections, often due to a lack of understanding about what it means to be a good friend. Like any relationship, friendship demands consistent engagement. This involves reaching out, checking in, offering support, and actively listening. Building strong friendships takes time and practice, much like developing any other valuable relationship in our lives.
In our fast-paced world, where stress and obligations abound, finding the capacity to be a good friend can feel overwhelming. While maintaining long-term friendships may require less time, they still necessitate ongoing effort; without it, these bonds can fade.
Navigating Different Life Stages
As we navigate life, our ability to relate to others can diminish. People go through various experiences that shape their perspectives, leading to differences that can create barriers to connection. For instance, combat veterans may view the world through a lens of trauma that contrasts sharply with the experiences of those who have never encountered violence. Similarly, couples dealing with infertility often have vastly different outlooks than those raising children, and individuals who have lost loved ones may struggle to connect with those who have not faced such grief.
Recognizing these differences is essential. If you find yourself gravitating towards people with similar experiences, consider broadening your circle. Embracing diversity in friendships can enrich your life and open doors to new perspectives.
Creating Common Ground
When faced with the challenge of connecting with someone who seems different, look for commonalities. Engaging in shared activities—whether joining a recreational sports team, volunteering, or participating in clubs—can provide a foundation for conversation and camaraderie. Pursuing mutual interests creates opportunities to discuss various topics, ultimately fostering deeper understanding.
However, it’s crucial to approach others’ experiences with sensitivity. Phrases like “I understand” can be misleading unless you have truly walked in someone else’s shoes. A pastor once advised that sometimes, the best response in difficult moments is simply to be present: show up, offer a hug, and stand by their side. This sentiment resonates with the phrase “I walk with you” from fitness coach Dan John. In my own practice, I often say, “I hear you,” emphasizing the importance of recognizing humanity in others’ struggles.
The Dance of Relationships
Relationships are much like a dance, requiring balance and harmony. If your interactions revolve around shared activities like bowling, that’s likely what you’ll do together. Conversely, if conflict dominates your relationship, it may struggle to endure. The Gottman Institute emphasizes maintaining a positive-to-negative interaction ratio of at least 5:1 for healthy relationships. If you sense this balance shifting, seek ways to introduce more positive experiences together prior to addressing underlying issues.
Being a Good Friend
Ultimately, if you want to cultivate friendships, the key is to embody the qualities of a good friend yourself. Show up, listen actively, engage in shared activities, ask questions, and genuinely care about the responses. Building and sustaining friendships requires effort, but the rewards—connection, support, and understanding—are invaluable in combating loneliness and enriching our lives.
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